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For a short while, I played with an all-dialogue, all-the-time theme on this web site. The dialogues were surprisingly well-received, so they're archived here for indefinite reading. I haven't bothered migrating these pages into the new layout; I haven't yet had the time. So forgive the broken images and general disheveledness, and enjoy the text, which hopefully is why you're here anyway.
No. 125 - Directionless | 09.03.02
I told her, "I'm going out for coffee. We're out" and closed the door behind me and drove for six...
No. 124 | 08.22.02
R.: Hello.J.: Hey, it's my readership again. What do you want?R.: Simon.J.: Oh, right. Sorry. Simon. Let me make that...
Swing away, swing away | 08.20.02
H.: This baseball thing.O.: What about it?H.: It's driving me crazy. Those poor guys.O.: What guys?H.: The Expos. Just played...
Nobody's going anywhere | 08.15.02
G.: Today I think I'd just like to sit around and cry.K.: All day long?G.: Yes.K.: If that's what you...
True love in New York City on top of the Empire State Building at midnight | 08.13.02
D.: Ladies and gentlemen, if I might have your attention for a moment. ... Thank you. The rooftop level of...
A. gots Van Halen tickets | 08.12.02
A.: Going to the show?T.: The show?A.: Yeah. Tonight's the big show. I got two tickets if you want to...
Conditional surrender | 08.07.02
B.: Policeman.D.: I've been thinking: purple just isn't my color. I tried on that sweater this morning, and it just,...
We interrupt this regular web site... | 08.06.02
R.: Okay. Hey, hello? I know you're there. Stop tweaking and speak up.J.: Who the (censored) are you?R.: Who the...
Light on the mayo | 08.05.02
S.: So what would you do for me if you could do anything in the world for me?H.: Do for...
Mean and spiteful | 07.31.02
G.: Well, it's finished.J.: You made it, then?G.: Two mad dashes across the city from different sides, and I made...
Timeshare cashier | 07.30.02
U.: This all?E.: Carton of cigs, too.U.: What kind?E.: Uh. I don't know.U.: Marlboros, Camels, KOOLs, what?E.: Pick one.U.: Look,...
The kitty flower pot | 07.29.02
H.: So do I tell her, or what?R.: I wouldn't.H.: She'll notice that it's missing. It's obvious, to me, that...
Regulation of the species | 07.26.02
7.: You nervous?4.: Nah. I mean, I've been competing since I was a fetus. I don't get nervous.7.: I'm nervous....
Portrait of an apocalypse | 07.25.02
V.: If I could, then what I would do is erase everything that we've ever done, and go back to...
Hello, G. | 07.24.02
H.: And then, Monday, I was shopping at Barney's. And I saw him.S.: At Barney's?H.: He was in the men's...
Manager on holiday | 07.23.02
U.: Good day, sir.A.: Good day.U.: What can I do for you?A.: Well, I -- may I sit?U.: Sit. Sit.A.:...
The accidental peeper | 07.22.02
N.: Hey -- you.R.: I'm sorry, me?N.: Yeah, you.R.: Do I know you?N.: No, no. Would you come here a...
Summer (Texas, 1991) | 07.18.02
W.: Is Charles home?M.: Good morning, Walter. Come on in. ... Yes, he's in his room. Still playing that infernal...
Nothing | 07.17.02
N.: Oh, (censored). Get down!P.: What?N.: Down! Down! Down!P.: What's out there?N.: Shhhh!P.:N.:P.: But --N.: SHHHHH.P.:N.:P.:N.:P.:N.:P.:N.: Okay, you can get...
Friday night at the cinema | 07.16.02
B.: Want to go see a movie?O.: Hey, yeah. Let's go see Minority Report.B.: (snorts) Minority Report? Ooh, yeah, let's...
Splurp | 07.15.02
T.: I wish we could just stop for a second. So I could stand on firm ground, you know.G.: But...
Seldovia | 07.12.02
D.: I think it always comes back to the fact that I don't feel productive here.F.: Pfft. Pro-duc-tive. Like you're...
Sister-vs-brother-style | 07.09.02
E.: Twenty-one.J.: Twenty-one what?E.: Years. Twenty-one years.J.: Twenty-one years what?E.: Twenty-one years I've been torturing you. You know. Sister-versus-brother-style.J.: Oh....
Chomp-chomp-fwizz | 07.08.02
E.: Tell me how it went.S.: Oh, well. There was a lot of sleeping. A lot of eating. Some noises,...
No permission required | 07.03.02
N.: Need permanent rust-proofing?P.: Nazis play racquetball!R.: No Protestant revolutions.C.: Nix prime rib.A.: Natives please respond.N.: No, please run.B.: Nuh-uh,...
Krrrrwwannnnggggg | 06.27.02
A.: Guys, guys, guys. Look, when S. does his krrrrwaaaanggg, count to four and then come in. It's not that...
Moo what? | 06.26.02
Y.: Hi. Got a question for you.S.: Shoot.Y.: Is this any good?S.: Blue Juice?Y.: Yeah. I've never heard of it...
Insubordination | 06.25.02
M.: Where are we?O.: I think...I think we're right -- here. Right here. See, cause here's the embankment and there's...
Tragedy peepers | 06.24.02
S.: Oh, shoot. Hey, P., come over. Okay? I'm hanging up. Be here fast, okay? Okay. Okay. bye.P.: Hey, what's...
Thirds | 06.19.02
J.: This assembly of the Anchor Bay City Development and Planning Board will now come to order. I, J., will...
Call-waiting | 06.18.02
P.: Honey, I'm -- you're waiting by the phone.C.: X. is supposed to call.P.: I thought that was last week.C.:...
Just sort of freaky | 06.17.02
I.: Oh, my God. S.?S.:I.: S., it is I.!S.: I.?I.: I.!S.: I.I.: Right!S.: I'm...sorry. I can't...I.: From kindergarten!S.: Oh, my...
Personality disorders | 06.15.02
R.: Do you ever wish you were somebody else?G.: Never. Do you?R.: Every day. Every single day.G.: Who do you...
Subversion in stall three | 06.14.02
B.: So what's with all the questions? I mean: come on.S.: What, I want to get to know you a...
Waiting for...ever | 06.14.02
I.: I think the problem is: you only have a finite amount of hours in this life that you can...
Snafu, Inc. (A Fubar Co.) | 06.13.02
M.: I suppose you're all wondering why I called this meeting.G.: Not really.E.: No.D.: Nah.B.: Nope.S.: (shrugs)R.: ... Don't look...
Second strike | 06.11.02
F.: I'd say 'Hey, man, have a beer,' except you look like you've already had eight. What happened? Heard Fosco...
Mr. Shankle's day | 06.10.02
S.: (yawns)P.: Mmph. Stop moving. Yargh.S.: ... Sorry.P.: Go to work already. Phmpp.R.: Mornin, Shanksy. Same as usual?S.: A little...
To the white sea | 06.07.02
T.: Moor's Vacations.P.: Yes, I want to take a vacation.T.: And what do you want me to do about it?P.:...
I'm me | 06.06.02
A.: So U said what to him, that U weren't going to take his $H1+ any more? Thats so daring...
Callous | 06.06.02
G.: Hello?T.:G.: Hello?T.:G.: I'm hanging --T.: ... Wait.G.: Hello?T.: I'm here.G.: Who is this?T.: It's T., Mom.G.: ... T.T.: How...
This is the sort of situation where apologies don't really matter | 06.05.02
J.: You see, these type bombs, they make a big hecka bang. Feel it all the way to Kansas City....
The father-in-law | 06.04.02
N.: I see him -- you see him?P.: I don't see anything.N.: It's a buck. Eight-point. See?P.: No.N.: Over there....
Ball-bustin | 06.03.02
P.: Ready?C.: Readys I'll ever be, spose.P.: Now you remember three things. One: you keep your hand in the loop,...
Gettin kinky | 05.31.02
J.: She scares me, a little.D.: Yeah? How so?J.: Like, she suggests strange things that I've never done before.D.: Strange...
Rescue at sea | 05.30.02
C.: You woke me up.S.: Sorry, sir.C.: Right, then. What's the problem, Seaman?S.: Sir, there's an unidentified target off to...
Santa schmooze | 05.29.02
O.: Thank you for calling Excentric Corporation, where every day is excellent and unique. How may I direct your call?Y.:...
Another girl | 05.28.02
Y.: You're not going to tell her.O.: I don't think so, no.Y.: You don't think she, you know...deserves to know?O.:...
Reunionizing | 05.24.02
M.: You see her?S.: No. I don't think she's come in yet.M.: Did you see G.? Man.S.: Yeah, he looked...
On Location, Day 3 | 05.23.02
W.: So we got Q.?D.: Um. It appears he's not here.W.: He skipped?D.: We don't know if he skipped, right?S.:...
On Location, Day 2 | 05.22.02
D.: S., you wanna get me a cup of coffee?S.: You got it.D.: T., go ahead and round up the...
On Location, Day 1 | 05.21.02
D.: Alright, welcome everybody. We're already two days behind schedule, so we're going to go ahead and get started here....
Cohabitation | 05.20.02
F.: What I want right now is to be sitting on a little rowboat in the middle of a lake...
Singularity | 05.16.02
M.: Hey.D.: Hey.M.: School?D.: Good.M.: Grades?D.: Passable.M.: Passable?D.: Decent.M.: Dinner?D.: Naw.M.: Out?D.: Yeah.M.: When?D.: Six.M.: Test?D.: Thursday.M.: Friday.D.: Thursday.M.: What?D.:...
Getting away with it | 05.15.02
E.: Yeah. Give me the eggs over easy, um, and some coffee.W.: Hash browns?E.: Fine, yes.W.: What type of toas...
Michigaphoria | 05.14.02
S.: So yeah, good to be in Minneapolis tonight. Love you Michiganites! Every time we come back here to Michigan...
Wiretrap | 05.13.02
V.:F.:V.:F.:V.:F.: ... Man. You said that?V.: (nods)F.: And what did she do?V.: (punches palm)F.: No.V.: (nods)F.: She hit you?V.: (nods)F.:...
Missed | 05.10.02
V.: You sleep?R.: Not really. You okay?V.: I keep thinking about H.R.: Me, too.V.: I guess that won't end for...
Consummation | 05.09.02
C.: Wow.N.: Yeah, wow.C.: What a night.N.: Yeah.C.: A waterbed. This is nice.N.: It's a four-hundred-a-night room. Better be nice.C.:...
City of angels | 05.08.02
B.: Anywhere?F.: Absolutely anywhere, okay?B.: Bolivia.F.: Bolifia?B.: Bolivia. Land of utter unpreconception.F.: I don't know nothin about Bolimia.B.: Precisely.F.: No,...
To the exclusion of | 05.07.02
S.: It's beautiful here.M.: Yeah.S.: Can we not go back home now? I want to stay.M.: Wish we could.S.: No,...
Please hold | 05.06.02
E.: My friend isn't breathing.O.: How long has your friend not been breathing?E.: I don't know.O.: Can you estimate for...
Suburburburburbia | 05.03.02
I.: I'm lost. I absolutely cannot believe this. Lost. I walk three steps from the front door and wham: lost....
A nice evening out | 05.02.02
G.: I'm going out for a drink. Come with?K.: Well -- how long you gonna be?G.: I'm going out for...
A savvy passenger | 05.01.02
A.: Scuse me.B.: Yes.A.: The time? Do you have it?B.: Ahh. ... Twelve eighteen.A.: Would that be AM or PM?B.:...
Deadline dementia | 04.30.02
W.: So, yeah. I'm gonna need you to trim four thousand words from your article there.B.: I'm sorry, what?W.: Four...
The disaster-minded man | 04.29.02
G.: So. The vacation.J.: The vacation.G.: Wasn't much of a vacation, was it. Only two days.J.: Two days. And a...
Media bias | 04.26.02
R.: Thank you, J. As you can see, I'm standing in front of the city courthouse, where S. T. has...
Argyle rhythms | 04.24.02
H.: It's the principle of the thing.S.: It's cold out.H.: You should've brought your own stuff.S.: Come on.H.: No.S.: Come...
Rinding things up | 04.23.02
U.: It's a bowling ball.P.: No. I think it's a giant ball-bearing.E.: What are you guys talking about?U.: That.P.: Up...
Disassembly | 04.22.02
F.: Dear sweet God.N.: It's gettin closer, ain't it.F.: I was afraid of this.N.: Should I...F.: Why don't you take...
Change of plans | 04.19.02
R.: Right here. And here, sometimes, if I do this, and also a little bit right here.D.: Right here?R.: Ouch!D.:...
Neuroses | 04.18.02
O.: I'm hearing strange things.T.: Voices?O.: No. Things.T.: Such as?O.: Don't talk to me like a psychiatrist.T.: I'm not!O.: You...
Calm after the storm | 04.17.02
D.: Evenin.D.: Beautiful night. It's so still.D.: I should stop talking. You're obviously enjoying the view.H.: No...it's okay.D.: You sure?H.:...
Say 'what' again | 04.16.02
M.: Can I have a gin?B.: Gin.M.: Gin, yes. Thanks.N.: Let me have a martini.B.: Martini.M.: A martini? What is...
Why not to hire a PI | 04.15.02
F.: Don't tell me that.S.: But --F.: Don't tell me that!S.: Oka --F.: They're sleeping together?S.: Well...F.: They're not sleeping....
Confessions of a bad mechanic | 04.14.02
H.: Hand me the wrench.N.: Here.H.: Okay. Whoa!N.: What?H.: Well, it's spurting oil into the air. That's a problem.N.: It...
Luminous | 04.11.02
I.:T.:I.:T.:I.:T.: (exhales)I.: Wow.T.: Wow.I.: You see that?T.: The way she walked.I.: The way she swayed.T.: Just a little bump-bump.I.: Wow.T.:...
Thievery, skullduggery, mockery and mergers | 04.09.02
G.: Utter thievery. Pirates. Those stinking pirates.A.: I'm thoroughly stumped. Do we get to go back in? The doors aren't...
Fight powa | 04.08.02
P.: Fight the man. Always gotta fight the man.P.: That's all, now....
Ten blocks to nowhere | 04.05.02
Y.: Seventh Street, please.C.: Yep.Y.: Thank you.C.: You got money? Seventh's a long way off.Y.: It's just, like, ten blocks!C.:...
Stolen lines | 04.04.02
L.: So you're the one who's been sending me those articles from your school newspaper.W.: I've been doing stuff for...
Terminal | 04.03.02
H.: I'm not entirely sure how I should be dealing with this. I mean: do I cry? Do I get...
Phil the power-parker | 04.02.02
A.: You know, parking his car like that, right there, is just so irritating.S.: Yeah, but what do you do...
Monday jibba-jabba | 04.01.02
F.: How was your weekend?J.: My weekend was so cool, dude. It rocked to the utmost. It was hip to...
Philosophy | 03.29.02
C.: Can you do this for me?J.: Nope.C.: Oh. Why?J.: Because.C.: I don't get it.J.: Just because.C.: But this is...
On hopelessness | 03.28.02
M.: I am absolutely failing here. Has everyone left me? I don't know what I'm doing. (shouts) Is anybody there?D.:...
How to succeed in bidness | 03.27.02
S.: Hi.L.: Hi.S.: May I speak to G.?L.: Who's this?S.: S.L.: S. who?S.: S.K.L.: Yeah, well, G. isn't here.S.: May...
Droppin lines | 03.26.02
P.: So, what's a --K.: I'm sorry, I'm not interested.P.: ... But I didn't even finish my line.K.: Sorry.P.: (dumbly)...
Relocation | 03.25.02
J.: So what do you think of our new home? This is it. Two big fat bedrooms. A basement. A...
Dragnet | 03.21.02
D.: All cars, all cars, we have a 1014 in progress at 1623 East Ryland, that's one-six-two-three East Ryland.A.: Copy...
Communicado | 03.20.02
G.: Anyway, I hope this letter isn't too big a bother. We don't know each other, but we could. If...
Long distance | 03.19.02
D.: Wait. You're not serious about this.S.: Before he gets home. I've already got a truck.D.: Where did you get...
Stormfronts | 03.18.02
J.: So, yeah. Left for nine days. Had a good time. Determined that this break would be a sabbatical of...
Raymond in Omaha | 03.08.02
C.: Want to be in my movie? It will be a good movie.J.: Well, yeah, sure. If it's good. If...
The machine is malfunctioning | 03.07.02
J.: I want to buy this drum set. I want to buy it, but first I would like to see...
Surprise party | 03.04.02
A.: I can't wait for the fireworks!G.: What fireworks?A.: Independence Day fireworks!G.: There aren't going to be any fireworks. Today...
Superficial | 03.01.02
G.: Bought Superman yesterday.E.: Yeah? I've never seen it.G.: No?E.: No.G.: Well, don't.E.: Why?G.: Ehh. It's like Willow or Star...
Roll credits | 02.26.02
U.: Nobody's looking for a puppeteer in today's wintry economic climate.J.: You're not a puppeteer.U.: How can you tell? I'm...
Declarative | 02.25.02
G.: None of you make sense, and I hope you all die. But first, bring me coffee. Jerks....
At the bar | 02.22.02
F.: What'll you have?S.: Uh...what she's having?F.: Well, will you have that or won't you?S.: I'll have it. ... What...
One-sided cell-phone conversations | 02.21.02
A.: Yesterday R. left me. Left me. ... Without saying goodbye to me. Or the kids. Who cried all night...
Redundancy | 02.20.02
G.: The big question.J.: Yes, it is.G.: What's the answer?J.: The formal reply we've been using is "not for a...
The literary judge speaks | 02.14.02
E.: Your work is tripe. It is Self-Reverential and Uninspired and just like Everyone Else's. It is Quasi-Apocalyptic and it...
A career in crisis | 02.11.02
J.: So. Welcome back.G.: Screw you.J.: Bad vacation?G.: Great vacation.J.: Where'd you go?G.: I don't remember.J.: That good?G.: Somewhere in...
Enough with the hard knocks | 02.08.02
J.: You've had enough?V.: Had enough, I say! I say again, I've had enough!J.: I just don't know how you...
Conversational incontinence | 02.07.02
W.: The theory of conversation is one which undergoes intense examination each year during the festering ideals of the seasons,...
Bifurcation | 02.06.02
K.: Guess what I did yesterday.J.: I don't know. But you know what I did?K.: I went to this thing...
Delirium tremens | 02.05.02
G.: Hi. My name is G., and I'm, um, an alcoholic.All: Hi, G.G.: Heh. Hi. So I'm supposed to say...
I don't get it | 02.04.02
U.: Nobody really gets me, you know? They just sort of...stare. They can't figure me out. I'm not that hard...
Shmall talk | 02.03.02
H.: So.J.: So.H.: I saw the Super Bowl.J.: Good.H.: J.:H.: You see it?J.: No.H.: Oh.J.:H.: Good commercials.J.: Uh-huh.H.: See any...
Something we all could use | 02.01.02
C.: Guitar lessons?J.: No, not lessons exactly...C.: What, then?J.: Talent. I want instant guitar talent.C.: Why?J.: So I can soundtrack...
Cancelled | 01.31.02
J.: I cancelled my appointment.S.: Cancelled it?J.: Yes, sir.S.: Why?J.: Well, my dentist was psycho.S.: Psycho? Like drinking blood psycho?J.:...
If only | 01.30.02
B.: You see that?J.: What?B.: That...light.J.: You saw a light?B.: Over there. Up there.J.: I didn't see anything.B.: You sure?...
Evasive action | 01.29.02
F.: Um, hello, D. I got your message yesterday. It wasn't very clear. Were you on a cell phone? I...
Carving out the worlds | 01.28.02
D.: Snowing here, which is strange, actually. There's an inch or two on the ground and it's falling steadily. It's...
I've forgotten everything | 01.27.02
J.: Tell me what's wrong.T.: Nothing. Why would you think --J.: Because I can tell. It's not hard, you know.T.:...
The things we do not say | 01.26.02
E.: Just one, then.J.: Okay.E.:J.: I want the opportunity to express myself fully! To not be limited by conventional mechanisms...
Storytelling | 01.25.02
R.: Tell me a story.J.: I know no stories.R.: But you're a writer.J.: Writers are just vessels.R.: Vessels for what?J.:...
Recycle the terrorists | 01.24.02
O.: I don't get it.J.: What's that?O.: This whole terrorist thing.J.: What don't you get?O.: Who is the Al Qaeda?J.:...
Shoplifting Amsterdam | 01.23.02
M.: So. I heard you're moving to Amsterdam.J.: Where the heck did you hear that?M.: From a reliable source.J.: Well,...
Sue the scissor-man | 01.22.02
J.: You got your hair cut, didn't you?G.: Yes. I don't think the stylist did a good job, though...what do...
Put away the pills | 01.21.02
J.: But they let me sleep.S.: You don't need them.J.: They're sleep aids, you know. Not sleep addictions.S.: That doesn't...
Not so | 01.20.02
E.: Did not.J.: Did so.E.: Did not.J.: Did so.E.: Did not.J.: Did so.E.: Did not.J.: Did so.E.: Did not.J.: Did...
I am not boring | 01.17.02
J.: Well, not that boring.Y.: Yes. You are that boring.J.: Says who?Y.: Your adoring fan base. They're moving on to...
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